Belief is a crazy thing, in my world every thing's crazy, I agree.. but this is worse. what makes people do things they do or don't do? Karma? What makes people chose?
I believe I'm too idealistic at times, everything in this world has to be right for me, although the past couple of years have been pretty wrong, according to my scheme of how the world should be, my world I mean.. I believe everything happens for a reason, this one however baffles me by not coming up on time..
I believe I am lost, I have no idea where my life is going, No idea who all are in my life and why, and who all are not in my life and why.. I believe I am just existing, I believe that i have lost my passion, I believe I don't know what my passion is..
Belief is not religion, they do go hand in hand. Cuz I'm agnostic, you would agree if you have more than a thousand gods to chose from as per your culture.. Agnostic. I believe in the power of words, I believe in the power of silence, I believe in other peoples belief. Its amazing that you wake up and pull yourself out of bed only to return late in the night to go back to bed again.
I LOVE travel, the fact that i see new places, new faces, new eats, new experiences. I believe i was born to travel. I also believe that if i were to walk/ drive straight across the oceans, the distance travelled in the past 3 years to one clients place and another and back would be enough to cover one whole revolution of the sun around this earth...
I believe words are powerful, they make my heart tremble. like the ones below...
“I care," he said in a trembling voice. "I care so much that I do not know how to tell you without it seeming inconsequential compared to how I feel. Even if I am distant at times and seem as if I do not want to be with you, it is only because this scares me, too.”
This makes me want to will my heart out of my rib cage and shoot it with an old 18th century gun... so that it wont tremble anymore... So that it wont despair anymore...
I believe I am incapable of holding relationships. I can be a great friend, all one has to do is ask.. i can be the one person that stands with them through thick and thin, but the minute i realise Ive started depending on someone i pull back, i put up the walls around me again, but unfortunately not without letting them peek into the wreck i am. I also believe I'm incapable of getting over losing stuff.. I am also incapable of crying over lost stuff.. I believe I am just capable of mourning...
Most of my life I have mourned, whether it be the loss of people from my life or loss of material things... Only to find new things to be lost again..
I believe everyone has the power to change their life. Its in their hands to wake up in the morning and decide whether their day is going to be as miserable as yesterday or better.. or even worse.. I believe someones happiness shouldn't be dependant on another's.. That being the main reason for my mourning...
I believe I'm not sentimental (definitely mental, the other end of insane, yes, but not senti), I believe those kinda people are pathetic, I believe I am a strong independant woman who can decide where her life should be headed.. I also believe I can hear life laughing maniacally in the background over this last sentence..
I believe that parallel worlds exist, I believe I am on this earth for a cause (mainly increase the GDP of my country) I believe that I am never going to cook in my life, I believe that sandwiches exist so that people like me dont go hungry... I believe fermentation was the next best innovation of all, maybe after icecream. The fact that wine and alcohol and sugar exist means god doesn't want us to mourn much.. I believe I am a responsible drinker (yea right :P)
I believe that if i were a ghost, i would haunt (if it were a bathroom then it would range from the one near fratelli at RHI or maybe one of the ones in TIFC). If not a bathroom then one of the conference rooms in one of those places. I do not know when my life got so sad.. Or even maybe one of the stations where i last felt dead/ alive. my heart hasn't stopped trembling after that..
I believe that people are all yearning.. yearning for love, for money, for purpose.. and unfortunately i don't know what I'm yearning for anymore... Love is stupid, it makes you lose control of your life, alcohol is better.. it gives you the same tingling feeling in your fingertips, the same euphoria in your heart and the same kind of heart pounding you feel when it takes over.. but u can still wake up the next morning and go on about life only feeling a bit raw and not like your whole life just got lynched.. Money again, is stupid, it doesn't stay in your bank account, and by every month end you end up just waiting for the paltry salary credit.
Purpose, now that is something.. I believe that purpose is the only thing why we should live, purpose gives us passion, it gives us courage and strength.. where did you go my purpose? i want you back right now..
I believe I am on this earth to read, to find new books and make them popular amongst my people. I believe I know things, Maybe not a lot of things, maybe not even everything of things, but a little of a lot of things.. Enough to say I know and then be an insufferable know it all..
I believe that no one can handle heart break, I worse than others. If others try to act like they don't care, it is just a facade.. I believe that only another love can replace the fact that you had a heartbreak.. I also believe that i do not learn from my mistakes, this is the third time i let someone break down my walls and leave..
I believe people are crazy, they spend the day in front of the television only to escape from their life. I believe I should have been a doctor, I believe I also should have been an architect. I also believe I should have been a pilot for a commercial airline... cuz that would mean doing the same things over and over.. And plus there is all that travel..
I believe that people dramatize death too much. When someone dies, all it means is that his work on earth is done and he's moved on maybe to another world or into a void. When some 10 year old kid falls off his bicycle when pushed by another vehicle, and lies there brain bleeding on the road, it either means he will die or he will live, no need of awwing and oohing over the fact that he was a 10 year old kid.
I believe I am extremely impersonal. I don't know how to handle people who cry, I don't know how to handle people who mourn (although i have been moping around quite a lot these days). There are these times when I feel like slapping people who believe their lives happiness depends on others... And if someone starts crying in the middle of a sentence, I'm like bleh, what to be done now, keep chugging.. My mantra when that happens..
So, at the end, quoting from American Gods, which actually led to this post..
I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not.
I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.
I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state.
I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.
I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like martians in War of the Worlds.
I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.
I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.
I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.
I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.
I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.
I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.
So Lie back and enjoy waiting for the end of your days!
