The Destiny of Choice

(this I know is very rare, my second poem to get published in 10 years..:)inspired by Ayn Rand)

Sometimes I wonder what is it that keeps me going, living my life as a lie, as I wander aimlessly through the streets..

Is it the mask I put on every morning? Is it the pain that doesn't let me sleep every night?

Is it the love I have lost? Or is it the love I may gain perchance tomorrow?

Is it the happiness of the people around me? Or is it the anger and jealousy I have against them?

Is it the choice I will be making today? Is it the decision I will be taking tomorrow?

Is it the hope that I can get my life back? Is it the hope that you will let me take it back?

No! I can't let you take control.. it is written you say.. So what? Can't I write my own?

Isn't what I've written so far enough to lead the way? Why don't you let me have my way?? Is my way not mine to choose?

Every man has the power to choose but no power to escape the necessity of choice, but here I am waiting for that moment when I do have to choose...What did I do wrong that you are giving me no choice?

Did I expect too much? Was it all unearned? Is there still something that I need to get done before I move on? I want answers.. Answer me now!! My scream echoes across the emptiness, the vastness of it all....

And there across this parched land in the dark night sky, is a face, a face that smiles, not kindly, not in contempt but in silent mockery. It says I have no power to choose unless that choice is bestowed upon me..

A face that smiles in silent mockery that absolutes are something I will always have to choose between..

A face that smiles in silent mockery that my life is not mine to choose, not mine to live...

Do I have to accept it? Do I have to take it lying down? Won't that be my defeat? I who thought that my life was mine to make?

Is that what you want to see me become? A person defeated by his own choice?

A person defeated by his own life? A person defeated by you? Another person in your long list of triumphs?

A person living a bigger lie than I'm living now? A person who will hate everything for the rest of his life??
A person who will never be able to overpower you?

Then again you don't give me no choice..

Oh but I will.. One day, overpower you.. Maybe not as soon as I hoped I would, but you will be defeated someday.. Some way...

Until then my life is yours to live.. Yours to keep..