Death is inevitable. People die, feelings die, relationships die, so do brains.. (I dunno how that people who are generally intelligent can suddenly become extremely dumb and obstinate)
Its useless wondering what happened, what went wrong, blaming a higher power or even questioning him.. its just a matter of time before you realise that after a length of trying you cant do anything about it...
Lemony Snickets, says It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things..
It takes a long time to get there though, trying to readjust, you can never stop grieving, you only get better at existing with that emptiness... It never gets easier, you only get better.. And if this is to end in Fire, then we should all burn together, And if we die tonight, Then we should all die together.. So that there is no one left to grieve.. so that there is no loss in the world.. (I looovvvveee that song)
In case its death as in death, all we can do is remember the good times, the bad times, the crazy times.. and crave.. crave for the times they were, long for the times that could have been, carry them in your heart.. in your mind, like a burden sometimes, like a prayer other times. .
Like EE Cummings says i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
You carry them in your heart, when they go, their thoughts fill you up, their memories never go from your head.. the first few months are the most difficult, they are all you think about in every few minutes you get free.. they are all you want to think about when your brain gets free from the normal grind of work and imagination. Until one day, you realise, it stopped.. they still exist in your thoughts for, they still are in the back of your mind constantly, but life always throws up other things for you to brood about.
When relationships die (not just romantic ones, even that of friends), they are the same.. only it hurts more.. cuz in this case along with the burden you carry, u keep looking for answers to whether you've done something wrong.. keep looking for signs that they still care...( Do feelings really die? If they do, why arent mine dead yet?)
Like I read somewhere.. I don’t like hope very much. In fact, I hate it. It’s the crystal meth of emotions. It hooks you fast and kills you hard. It’s bad news, the worst. It’s sharp sticks and cherry bombs. When hope shows up, it’s only a matter of time before someone gets hurt.. When its feelings that die, hope survives.. and hope is not a good thing to survive on.. It tears you apart.. and it hurts, more than anything ever can..
People are crazy, they walk, they run, they stop, they talk and then stop again.. so what makes them stop? In most cases they are just tired, weary of the futile daily grind of walking, talking and running.. and some cases, its Death..
Death ends a life, not a relationship, that means both ways.. when someone dies, the relationship survives, he was <insert irreplaceable piece of heart here> and will always be <insert irreplaceable piece of heart here>. In case a relationship dies? Its not relationship as in “relationship”.. It’s a life.. You just killed that life…
The worst one of all deaths is that forced silence that hangs between two people who were close before.. why was there a fallout? Was there even a fall out? Sometimes people get tired of trying, sometimes people worry that they're annoying... sometimes people let good things go, without wondering what a stupid thing it was, that caused it.. (yes, 5 years down the line every single extremely serious thing that caused the fallout will be silly; that's definite) (Is that silence forced from both ends? Or is it just one trying to hold on.. not wanting to move on?)
Its not that people are egoistic, after a certain point of craving, all you want is those familiar words, those familiar voices, those familiar feelings.. its just the simple question that stops them from taking the first step.. do you feel them too? Or am I the only person who is mad enough to continue obsessing, day in day out? But the uncomfortable silence changes.. It gets comfortable, over time.. But, Is that what you want?
It’s the same, when a dream dies.. You try to hold on.. You try not to let go.. But all you hold on to is emptiness.. all you hold on to is lost words, lost promises and lost fantasies.. But No, I wont let you.. When I'm the sort of person who takes a really long time to get over anything, do you think I would let you (On another tangent, when you do know how much time I take to get over something, did you have to do that? Did you have to give me those dreams, and then just die?)
In the end whats life? Its an effort to find people who you can be close to.. and the hope that these feelings are reciprocated and appreciated. . And then the hope that this closeness survives the test of time..
I'm never the person to mope around and cry, hell I'm not even the kind of person to care.. so when I do, dont leave me, by death or by silence, cuz I'm not that experienced in killing feelings.. (people, now that's different, Ive planned 3 torturous deaths in my head already, too bad I need an army of stuntmen and equipments to carry them out. Yes I get carried away sometimes, but these people totally deserve it)
I'm the kind of person who doesn't love, doesn't care, doesn't have a best friend (just a lot of good friends) i don't feel anything... but I obsess.. more than anything in the world, all I can think about is that thing, that job, that school, that work, that goal.. and I'm kinda like a one point agenda person.. so all of these have been my one point focus in life at some point or the other.. so when I do make you the focus of my life, my obsession, my world revolves around you.. don't ridicule me, don't tell anything if you don't have anything good to say, don't hurt me.. that's the maximum importance I can give to anything in my life, please don't die, please don't leave me... And I don't mean that as a particular person, I mean you my dream, my passion.. Please do stay on.. please let me come to your gate one day and stay in for the whole four(?) terms(yes, I want to visit your other gates too)...
People who sympathise with others saying time will heal everything, stop this bullshit.. it doesn't heal, it only makes you miss that someone you lost even more... it makes you miserable at the fact that that person will never be the first person to wish you a good morning and the last person to talk to you before you sleep.. it makes you miserable to the point that whatever you are doing, u feel them around... like I said, It never gets easier, you only get better, at dealing with it... dealing with the fact that you could have done so much more, if only that person was alive..
People are so different now, I just saw Sound of Music, the other day, and am still awed by the simplicity of the villains in it.. The worst someone could be in it was Hitler, and the situation, and the war... there was no scheming, conniving person whose whole intent was to destroy.. Even the baroness could have done so much more than let go of captain, the second time over.. for example kill her? (Yes, that is always the first thing that comes to me) Manipulate the captain and the kids to push Maria away? (courtesy naushad).
Evil has risen so much more in these years.. so much so that no one likes simplicity anymore.. so much so that people don't believe each other anymore.... they always look out for something more to a normal sentence, someone is always instigating someone else, theres always a snake in the story, someone is always looking for revenge... Someone is always intent on getting back at someone else.. Someone is always looking for ways to make another's life miserable (As if life wasn’t problematic enough already!!!). But here again death has the last laugh.. (both as in death and the death by silence)
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference
(I am quoting too much nowadays, aren't I?)
Something I read that day which you may find both disturbing and scary (?), which i love, which may make you think I am a psychopath (Yes, a lot of you don’t doubt it, right?)
“WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?
The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said.
Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.”
