Every day is filled with choices... Every moment from the
minute you snooze the alarm, risking the fact that your boss may actually reach
earlier than you... is a choice you make... Like the choice to continue on a
job where you have no clue what you’re heading towards... Like the choice to
work on a Sunday for a senior who clearly has only the one point agenda of
making you feel worse that you worked your ass off all week... Like the fact that I should be learning right
now and not contemplating delaying the exam or where my life is taking me or
writing this shit… And people always take dumb decisions in all the choices
they get... (Like me writing this right now) And everything that follows is
just consequences of those dumb decisions. (Like me having to stay up all night
learning geometry all over) Life's all about the choices we make.. and the chances we take..
Why is it that people have expectations? Any expectations?
If there were no expectations there would be no disappointment... There would
be no anxiety over the result of a choice... There would be no panic when you
someone cuts your call... There would be no more broken people, no more anger,
no more frustration… Everyone plans today for the future... Every single step
one takes is to secure what’s coming round the corner on a road called life... When
every moment only brings us closer to death... Why is it that we Live life when
every minute we are only dying? Like Game of Throne’s says Valar Morghulis…
Every man must die... but first he must live... death is so terribly final,
while life is so full of possibilities...
So why plan for the future? When it’s destined already... It’s
inevitable... And my cards right now say confusion spelt out in bold letters...
Wouldn't it be nice if no one was ever required to choose? No one would ever
give up something good for someone else’s future... We could think about
enjoying our present, and be happy... (On another tangent, I simply love the
happy page, Happiness is a feeling which has been eluding me a bit from the
past 2 months, but those simple things do make me smile. I am not depressed, It’s
just that I tend to be a drama queen and blow things out of proportion very
often... There's a difference to being depressed and just surviving without
being happy)
I am actually not that big a fan of Grey's Anatomy but I always
seem to find something there that comforts me... That proves to me that I’m
just an ordinary person with ordinary problems (Which I seem to blow out of
proportion like I said before and give too much importance to insignificant
things and insignificant people, and which seems to happen to people in a drama
series on national television)
At the end of the day,
when we come down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this
thing where we all keep our distance, and pretend not to care about each other
is usually a load of bull, so we pick and choose whom we’d like to remain close
to. And once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stay close, no matter how
much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day,
those are the ones worth keeping... Like I've told you this a million times
before, you are my person... One of them... and that’s the reason im fighting
to keep this alive... And I don’t know whether you realize the importance of
that word... A person is someone who would last in your life forever... and
like I’ve told you, we would survive even more than the seven years which
researchers believe is necessary to be lifelong friends.. I WILL make us
survive... And I hope you stop being such an ass and help me in this endeavor
to make us survive... Cuz theres a limit to how much I will try... Don’t you
dare test that…
You don’t get to do this to me anymore... My life is in my
control again and once you do realize that your being an ass (which I hope you
do soon) please be kind to me. That’s all I expect from anyone...
Theres one more thing Callie says... You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe
she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your
miserable life, but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person
that you love... And to add more to that, if it was love you would have
fought harder to keep it alive... Like I'm trying so hard to keep our friendship
alive (Don’t make me wonder whether you actually ever thought of me as a close
friend or was that all shit too?)
So what do I chose at this crossroad? I chose to learn from
you... be bitter towards you, towards life and take any new close friendship with
a pinch of salt...
