My "Person" People

Meredith Grey is Christina’s person.. And I so get it.. Your go to person.. The one who listens through whatever nonsense you want to say.. and helps you do all the nonsense you do.. and gives you a sound hearing after all the nonsense you did.. Like Christina says, When I murder someone, Meredith is the one I’ll call to help drag the body across the hall.. They help you out of everything, or at least try to.. or punch the shit out of you… And I'm glad that I have not one but many “persons” in my life.

They tell you everything… what you want to hear, what you don’t want to hear.. why your life sucks, why you should try and get out of the mess you’ve created upon yourself… They care what you think, they care what you don’t think,  They see your world through those rose tinted glasses you try to show them.. they then rip off those glasses from your face to help you see reality… Reality. Its so much more interesting than living happily ever after…

A survey says, when it comes to your close friends, you lose about half and replace them with new ones after about seven years. You (all my persons) I hope will remain my close friend even after those 7 years.. and to you who have survived 7 years with me, You know about the other survey/ Fact - If a friendship lasts longer than 7 years, psychologists say it will last a lifetime. So sadly you are stuck with me for this lifetime.. and though I’m the psycho narcissist in our friendship,  you would have got a few opportunities to vent your heart out to me too, (I believe, Cuz I don’t particularly remember) And yes I’m gonna hold on to the 7 year thing to blackmail you and make you attend every single movie, every single get together and every single important/ non important event in my life/ your life…

And to those who I’ve met recently and have grown close to, Our friendship doesn’t need a 7 year cycle to test the dumb survey.. the time we spent together, the time we talk, the time we spend bitching about life, seniors (the one particularly) and the time we spend working on the same client (or not) has been in fact (maybe) longer than the 7 years in the survey(in the one and half years I know you guys) So that proves you guys are stuck with me too J

To all my persons out there, it doesn't matter whether I speak to you everyday or not.. or every week or not.. just remember that the time I spend with you is fully devoted to you.. and anytime you need me to be your person, I'm just a thought away.. And I hope that you never throw in the towel on me.. I know I'm a lost cause, and I will always do whatever I want, although I ask you for opinions. I will seldom listen to you because its my inherent nature to ask people for their perceptions and do what is already pre decided by me. And I Love it that you guys have such varied, colourful and right opinions…And whenever you think I've forgotten you, I've not.. Your as much a part of me as I am a part of your thoughts... Life may try to keep us apart but we can always start off right where we stopped the last time.. how many ever months later they may be...

And how do you recognise how a person becomes your person? Its that moment when you see them in a crowded mall/ crowded train station and dont feel anything.. excited, bored nothing.. cuz its like they are always there at the back/ front of your mind and seeing them in person is just an extension of that..

P.S I hope I'm your person too.. or at least in the process of being yours..

P.P.S I know my blog was to shift.. but I really suck at trying to beautify the depressing wordpress layout.. so I'm not moving.

Whats your poison?

I think too much.. I agree.. especially when Its my future.. my dreams and my life.. I research too much.. and I know too much.. recently in an official lunch where We were encouraged to tell something about ourselves that no one in the team knows, I missed out the most important one.. i'm Red.. the red of shawshank.. i'm the one person who u come to when you need something.. ( like i've said before.. ppl think im google) especially education advice.. ( so consultings already started for me.. even if the bucks not rolling yet)

Anyone gets me started on gmat and business schools and they've had it.. thats the next one hour explaining stuff that I've collected over the many years of research and other people's advice.. theres nothing in life im more passionate about than my dream Bschool and It tends to get on to their nerves very often..

So then why is it that everytime I think of the future i'm confused about the timeline? For a person who's so clear on what is to be done in life why is taking the first step so difficult?

I have a theory for that too.. i'm a lazy bitch... (not to mention narcissistic... its almost 3 years i've been bragging on about myself, ud think its long enough) and that bitch is getting too comfortable in the daily routine.. I really seem to have answers to all questions don't I? Then why ask? Because i'm scared.. theres one empty unplanned patch between my 20 year later plans and now.. and what to fill up with in those 20 years is what's the most difficult question to answer..

There are so many questions. . Is this the right time? Should I actually give it up? Who else will write my letter of reference. .. is it really worth one year of my life and all that money?

Then again what's one year in the vast void of life? Especially with my family having histories of 90 year olds with chalega (not life threatening i.e ) health problems.. I probably won't fizz out too soon..

Theres always that little voice in your head which from my experience you should listen to.. and i haven't had the time to listen to it from long.. maybe half a year.. theres a lot you get to learn from yourself.. just if u have a care and listen..

A few weeks ago I had the  opportunity to go to a temple in the midst of the working week and attend the aarti.. (anything is possible if your colleagues are game.. this one includes dragging the reporting manager along). On contrary to most people's belief. . I'm not an atheist. . A theist maybe.. and definitely spiritual.. (also spirituous if I may add) they say its luck if you get to attend this maha aarti.. (mainly cuz they close doors for it stopping the streaming thousands. . Ok, more like hundreds in the middle of the week.. and being there at the right time to be let in and not shoved out is indeed luck)

The tremendous faith when people chant god's name in the sanctum is amazing.. All strangers, of probably different beliefs, different backgrounds.. brought together by fate for that 45 min/ one hour.. You dont know whether they pray for something, for someone, for nothing or like me, are there just because someone suggested, the veneration for something which is just stone to someone and so much more to someone else.. (I think power in a Stone depends all on belief, If people believe anything can and will happen)

More so that in the sound of chanting, and prayer, and hope.. you suddenly realise what that little voice in your head wants you to listen.. and 45 minutes of that is long enough. . To make you believe in yourself again.. your heart's deepest desires always help you find a way out of whatever question that needs answering.. kinda like flipping a coin to understand what you want as the outcome...

So is that little voice a divine direction? Like a go ahead on to what you think is the right path? The right time? Thats too much god for me.. but isn't what they chant in the same direction too? More than once in different prayers they say the same thing.. lay down everything at gods feet.. and that god is within you.. if not yourself (aham brahmasmi..I remember what id learnt in 7th.. even though I used to mix up marathi and sanskrit in the exam).. whatever it is.. its time for me to learn from my inner voice... and what the heck.. if my luck could get me in at the right time for the maha aarti which is like a one in 10 million chance (( population of mumbai + outside visitors to the very popular temple)× very low probability of me leaving office in time to reach anywhere at 645/ 7 pm) yes thats one in 10 million in itself) what's the one in 70 chance of getting into my dream school?

P.s thats my poison for you.. my passion and my faith.. (plus a few others you guys already know).