So its official, I'm a dud.. N I can't/ won't ever do anything to make it right. I'm really bad at interviews. I sway to whatever the interviewer says... And I answer everything wrong at interviews.. But then again people like my energy.. It doesn't mean I jump around but I do manage to make people laugh.. No I'm not a joker, but it evidently seems so to them..
And I made it.. I now have two in hand and a lot more confusion.. Not which to join.. That I'm clear of, but whether the first will let me go in time.. Life is so fucked up right? And it all seems to happen only to me.. You feel guilty that you are leaving the former when they try to convince me that my future is where I'm at and that if you were really guilty then you wouldn't have joined in the first place.. What do they think 4 months at home was not reason enough that I would want to be occupied? And the rem wasn't all that bad...
Thanks to me, our age now has been cursed again.. That we are irresponsible.. That we are always looking out for brand value and not passion for work.. But don't they understand I do have passion.. I am passionate about working for a brand.. And that's what's kept me moving...
Didnt they understand all the subtle hints I dropped.. The swollen eyes on my first day, the second day and subsequently every single monday... All the effects of crying out my eyes over the weekend.. I don't normally cry but I couldn't think of anything more upsetting than turning out like someone in that place..
Couldn't they have just read my blog to see how dissatisfied I am? That I believe I deserve more? Much more?? isn't it their responsibility to keep a tab on their employees... Even if they checked Facebook, they'd have realised that I haven't added anyone of them as friends.. Not until I put in my papers atleast..
What's the use of not letting me go if I don't want to continue working for them.. Atleast I'm tryin my best to complete the current thing.. If I could justify running away I would have a long time ago.. But that's not who I am and I don't think ever can be..
And still I can't/won't ever be able to feel not guilty for leaving them at such a time.. A time when they are in dire need of staff.. Is it my fault that when I do work whether I like it or not I do it the best I can? So people believe I like what I'm doing? But what's the use of prolonging it when what I want eventually is to leave? I know what ur thinking... Doesn't she ever tire of justifying herself.. Apparently not.. And I'm selfish I agree.. But its my life we are talking about.. And ill do anything to make it easier.. There I go again..
But I admit it was scary.. I almost accepted it.. And I had started getting comfortable.. When Discomfort is the only way you know to live, getting comfortable was extremely discomforting (is that even a word?) like they say.. Pain is one way you know your alive (drama queen <<)
So am I happy now? Well no.. I can never be right? I'm still dissatisfied cuz this didn't come up when I wanted it to.. But is late better than never? U never know..
