Ok.. Results are out and verdict? Cleared.. :) :) while there are no words to explain the relief I'm feeling right now (that I don't have to give any exam for a long time, that I don't have to be anywhere within a mile of a textbook for atleast a year) I dunno if I'm happy.And Everyone else who's being calling up, texting, iming, seemingly happy for me, just want to know what next...
Is it any different on this side of the line? Well, not actually. The grass as usual is greener on the other side.. why? Well who knew passing the exam is not the toughest thing that's ever gonna happen in life.. interview prep (aargh) is worse..
And Cuz I don't know what next.. The only thing I was sure of was that if I don't clear I would join the next batch of alliance francaise.. But even that's not happening.. The incredulity on the faces of people when I say I wasn't expecting it and that I was hoping for another 6 months to decide is amazing. Why can't I be confused? And if I make the mistake of saying I want to study further, Then the why's and what's come up..
Should I study further? That's another question I don't have an answer to... Cuz this was not in the plan. You know, the plan people make about their life.. I think I was the only one who had one in place even before I left school, and more or less stuck to it.. But the last exam wasn't in the plan.. I think everything after may 2009 has been surreal for me. The plan was to give it up altogether after the exam and start MBA prep that year, but I guess there's someone else who runs your plans, however passionately you make them, so slight detour later here I am.. qualified professional who doesn't know what next..
Thats another thing that was never in the plan, being confused..
Everything I do, I make sure there's a reason, and I believe that everything that happens, happens for a reason as well.. Maybe there's a reason why I dint give up after 2009.. But that's one reason I don't know yet.. Did I want to be here? Maybe.. Did I want my signature on a balance sheet?
Maybe.. But definitely not the way I'm qualified to now. And now there's a reason why I can't do MBA prep, I know this is gonna sound really childish, but I made a bargain, a barter with God.. He makes me pass tax and I give up my MBA seat in favour of a person who needs it more than me.. And since I cleared tax, that too with a whooping 30 mark margin how can I not keep up my side of the bargain?
So y'all are getting there? Where I'm at? Is everything supposed to look rosy from here on? Well it isn't.. I'm sure all students will tell you about the loneliness when you fail and all your friends go on ahead with their careers.. No one tells you about the loneliness when you go on ahead and all your friends don't...
Am I supposed to be happy now that I'm here? Did I even want to be here? I dunno.. But I am thankful that He thought me worthy to be here.. (if your guessing where the atheist in me's gone.. Well you gotta be a fool if you reach where I'm at and don't believe in a supreme power). And if anyone has answers please do leave comments. I'm in dire need of direction...
