Found this when I was clearing my shelf. had written it just after the 2008 terror attack, just HAD to write that time cuz no one was listening to me, everyone was glued to the breaking news...
10 reasons why this is the best time to become a politician
1. People are angry. They will welcome any angry young person into politics
2. Film makers will make a bee line to your place to get a ticket for terror tourism
3. No terrorist will ever think of attacking you, after all you are like a family member to them!
4. If some1 threatens your position by reaching the site/ hospitals before u say that they did it for vote attention, while u were away because u did not want to divert attention away from rescue operations.
5. You will have NSG security
6. If u die or are killed its like an open ticket for your family member to get sympathy votes and of course there will be a protest by ur coworkers (remember Anand Dighe)
7. A 25-50 car convoy will be arranged for you even if at the same time rescue operations are waiting to start because of delay in availability of transport .
8. If u are SC/ST/OBC then the ruling party will greet you with open hands to secure their minority votes (As long as you dont tear any poster of sonia Gandhi , our poor pm- will do, they will think it was just another old surd with a blue turban. Wonder if that's his favourite colour or is it as per some astrologist baba)
9. If not then dont worry you can always join the opposition and oppose and comment on every damn thing cuz thats what opposition means right?
10. If something like a terror attack happens then u can leave citing moral responsibility and say that the rest of the responsibility is too much for u.
Also now I can add these new ones for the current times, With all the scams recently exhumed from the grave they tried to hide it in ( It has actually gotten so deep that it gives new meaning to digging a hole to China )
1. 3000 crores is like pocket money, (4/5 such scams is enough to rid the country of half of its poverty and they say India is a developing country. You can always say its your contribution to the GDP. Even Mubarak managed to get billions out of 30 years)
2. You still have loads of security only it may be in jail. Or CBI custody.
3. When u finally get out of jail you can come out smiling nonchalantly and still be a politician and may even be voted into power ( Lalu is living proof that you can even lead the railways after siphoning off money from cows)
4. You may be the only ones who will be able to afford onions in the future (with your stack of hidden loot that is)
5. You can start consultancy on how to scam and still not get caught for a minimum 5 years atleast. And since the famous legal system is so wonderful here, if you are already old then there's nothing like it. Though since most of the existing future clients are old, they will already be quite experienced in it..
6. If you get caught and are being taken somewhere far you always have the opportunity to be one up on them and say 'Lets take my jet'
7. You get paid obscene amounts of money in overseas accounts just for attending office. (right now its per day basis but by the time proceedings against you are finalized you can charge per hour)
8. You needn't be afraid of the taxman cuz they are busy searching for stars early in the day.
9. You may get replaced again. But a honorary seat in some rural area probably has your name on it. (even though you were chosen as a replacement cuz you were supposed to be one of the least likely to scam ones with education and all (meaning to say education wasn't a necessary qualification to stand for elections earlier). But that someone else more educated than you having a cleaner record is still to be found is what continues to amaze me)
10. You needn't be scared of an Egypt against you... Mainly cuz there are no squares in India (to the best of my knowledge we have only signals and chowks and junctions). Also there are too many people in India . Mobilizing them is a very big problem especially when most of the major politicians including you will have enough party workers and supporters and others willing to work on 'daily wages'
(I've heard for mumbai slum people just transportation and biryani is enough)
Thanks to you I now have to learn more chapters for my exam cuz those redundant chapters are precisely the ones you have used and unbeknownst brought the institutes attention to what it can use against its unsuspecting students.
Until the nation wakes up from its own feigned slumber, like Egypt I don't think anything untoward would come to you or your plans/scams too.. So enjoy and continue being politician like..
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
~Of NeW YeArs anD oLd ~ (2.0)
Now that I actually have one I'm reposting this updated.
1.1.2011
Its kinda funny how fast this year went by.. N I still haven't gotten used to not writing 2009 on cheques.(got a lot of wrath from my father for a record number of cancelled checks ... Even this november.. :P)
Today as I open the newspaper its filled with a recap of this year and of this decade and other round up shit (from the 1st page of times to even ET/CD )but as I sit and look back at this year, I found it very uneventful... Maybe I just don't remember.. So here's a round up of my year..
1. Allergies are quite perturbing.. They come in all shapes and sizes and are not restricted to the predictable rash.. Ultimately after maintaining a pretty comprehensive food diary there isn't much I can eat anymore.. (>_<)
2. Hot liquids burn..
Being bedridden for almost 2 weeks cuz of hot tea must be unheard of right? yeah I thought so too... But ugly boils and scars and a painful tetanus injection are proof that such things happen.. N have I learnt from this experience?? Apparently no.. burnt my finger in tea again last week.
3. My career choice is the worst career in the world..
After giving up all social life( 2 movies in a span of 4 yrs... Can it get any worse?? Its like movie theaters have something against me.. My friends and relatives are surprised if they see me.. ) I still have no guarantee there will be a career any time soon.
(the latter part is seeming more sure now.. I'm confident there isn't going to be a career soon)
4. you don't forget how to cycle and drive... But u do forget Hw to swim.. Cycled after almost 5 years( thanks meghs and kachu), drove after almost 1 year( thanks to my ol' faithful car for never breaking down when I drive) and managed to almost drown in a 6 feet 'deep' water, (that too twice) almost 10 years after my last swim
5. CAs have the worst language skills of all (courtesy some teachers and some seminars) any person planning to start has to give up all writing and communication skills. As well as time to read and write( have hardly read any new book!!! X(
6. Mumbai university is really crazy.. Not only do they value wrong but they also revalue wrong( after paying 500 per subject atleast we'd expect some good reval)
7. Facebook is great.. Something I know from a long time but my faith in it was reaffirmed this year all the more cuz of all the old friends I met again (some of whose faces are also quite obscure in my memory)
8. Ipods have supernatural powers.. It survives falls, rain water droplets and even coke.. And they still have the power to enthrall me from the minute I download somethin new... Whether its angry birds or just plain natural paper toss.. ( I <3 apple)
But the headphones are bad.. Really there's only plastic left on mine and all the other parts are disintegrating away.. ( the disintegrating has now turned to completely disintegrated.)
9. There's a word for all the semi depression and sudden madness and confusion that overcomes me periodically... After a long thought that I was alone in my misery TOI gave the word to me.. Quarter life crisis..
10 I'm not scared of baby roaches and other small insects anymore.
Thanks to mensa for early morning surprises. Hope bigger ones won't be in store for us next year..
( well it turned out I was wrong, there was a bigger than small one scampering around on the table on the very first day of this year until I finally found courage to kill it after 15 days)
Sadly this list does not even exceed 10... At the beginning of this year I had resolved to write.. Now 365 days later I have begun.. Hopefully this writing spree will take a break until May cuz typing oblivious to my parents is difficult and time consuming. I'm posting this on Facebook cuz I'm too lazy to think out a name for a blog.. Maybe another 365 days later I may actually have one..
1.1.2011
Its kinda funny how fast this year went by.. N I still haven't gotten used to not writing 2009 on cheques.(got a lot of wrath from my father for a record number of cancelled checks ... Even this november.. :P)
Today as I open the newspaper its filled with a recap of this year and of this decade and other round up shit (from the 1st page of times to even ET/CD )but as I sit and look back at this year, I found it very uneventful... Maybe I just don't remember.. So here's a round up of my year..
1. Allergies are quite perturbing.. They come in all shapes and sizes and are not restricted to the predictable rash.. Ultimately after maintaining a pretty comprehensive food diary there isn't much I can eat anymore.. (>_<)
2. Hot liquids burn..
Being bedridden for almost 2 weeks cuz of hot tea must be unheard of right? yeah I thought so too... But ugly boils and scars and a painful tetanus injection are proof that such things happen.. N have I learnt from this experience?? Apparently no.. burnt my finger in tea again last week.
3. My career choice is the worst career in the world..
After giving up all social life( 2 movies in a span of 4 yrs... Can it get any worse?? Its like movie theaters have something against me.. My friends and relatives are surprised if they see me.. ) I still have no guarantee there will be a career any time soon.
(the latter part is seeming more sure now.. I'm confident there isn't going to be a career soon)
4. you don't forget how to cycle and drive... But u do forget Hw to swim.. Cycled after almost 5 years( thanks meghs and kachu), drove after almost 1 year( thanks to my ol' faithful car for never breaking down when I drive) and managed to almost drown in a 6 feet 'deep' water, (that too twice) almost 10 years after my last swim
5. CAs have the worst language skills of all (courtesy some teachers and some seminars) any person planning to start has to give up all writing and communication skills. As well as time to read and write( have hardly read any new book!!! X(
6. Mumbai university is really crazy.. Not only do they value wrong but they also revalue wrong( after paying 500 per subject atleast we'd expect some good reval)
7. Facebook is great.. Something I know from a long time but my faith in it was reaffirmed this year all the more cuz of all the old friends I met again (some of whose faces are also quite obscure in my memory)
8. Ipods have supernatural powers.. It survives falls, rain water droplets and even coke.. And they still have the power to enthrall me from the minute I download somethin new... Whether its angry birds or just plain natural paper toss.. ( I <3 apple)
But the headphones are bad.. Really there's only plastic left on mine and all the other parts are disintegrating away.. ( the disintegrating has now turned to completely disintegrated.)
9. There's a word for all the semi depression and sudden madness and confusion that overcomes me periodically... After a long thought that I was alone in my misery TOI gave the word to me.. Quarter life crisis..
10 I'm not scared of baby roaches and other small insects anymore.
Thanks to mensa for early morning surprises. Hope bigger ones won't be in store for us next year..
( well it turned out I was wrong, there was a bigger than small one scampering around on the table on the very first day of this year until I finally found courage to kill it after 15 days)
Sadly this list does not even exceed 10... At the beginning of this year I had resolved to write.. Now 365 days later I have begun.. Hopefully this writing spree will take a break until May cuz typing oblivious to my parents is difficult and time consuming. I'm posting this on Facebook cuz I'm too lazy to think out a name for a blog.. Maybe another 365 days later I may actually have one..
Friday, February 4, 2011
Finally..
I know this blog is aeons late (more than 5 years at least) but It Is better late than never.. And At last I have one.. To think it took me 4 months to get it right, and finally now I have one that sounds like what I wanted it to be.
Who would ever have thought that names could be so difficult, writing thankfully is much easier than getting a unique name. Its like my writers block starts at naming my writing.
What's in a name?? everything apparently. (sulk) From getting one that wasn't already taken, to not too tacky and still me is what took four months.. Until then plain old Facebook notes and notes on my phone were my only respite.
(exams after all are the times I'm at my creative best)
While such a long journey was the most appropriate (given my student life) it was too publicized by a "frustrated student" who probably just thought he would make good use of attending College. (though if he actually wanted to do something helpful, he should have revolted against the number of teachers not knowing english in the university or the evaluation/revaluation procedure).
Never in his lifetime would Rohinton Mistry have thought that his book would be so popular (even more popular than when it was added to the curriculum). But any publicity IS good publicity.
Then came The Observer (everyone I know thinks I think differently) , but google it and you get like hundreds of like minded people who may/may not have the same level of creativity, but not wanting to put so much effort on just a name. Or maybe they got fed up like me..
Then was the good for nothing I write therefore I am. What nonsense... I agree writing comes in a flow that can't be stopped. But don't you live otherwise? I am just mainly a passionate reader who always wanted to write a book after all. (not me at all)
Another option was to name it after a song/movie. Probably waiting for the end to come as a tribute to LP but 2012 is quite near anyway and waiting for just a year doesnt make sense. Or until those who believe bring on another such date..
Or music and lyrics (I love hugh grant and music but this ain't no song download blog).
Then there's also fell down a hole. But I didn't. And falling does hurt..
Also with so many songs/albums/artists I'd like to do a tribute to, it was getting very puzzling as to which one to stick to.
What is it with being unique I don't know. Though I would love to copy a name as a form of flattery to another, there's not many such others worth that. Innovation is the key as per some fy/sy book (don't ask, o.O that just came up from god knows where)
Fantasy on the other hand was something I had to have in my blog.Doesn't Everything around you feel like wonderland? It does for me especially when I realise its already friday wen I've been thinking its wednesday all along. (Its getting closer to my exam...aargh).. :(
This part is a tribute to Lewis Carroll for being the father of fantasy writing, what better way to market other books than to get small kids hooked to magic so that they read and reread Hp and Lotr and such others later on (he got his maths right on that one)
There was also cindrella, I agree. But who searches for anything in cinders or a kitchen (won't find any soul there, probably just ketchup) and it is Alice usually who gets preference over Cindrella (Johnny Depp was in Alice and not in the any kitchen scrubbing floors)
Follow me up too seemed good but what if it turned out to be all fall down?
While Soul searching was inspired by my own quarter life woes. It seems to intensify if ur in my line of education. (to think some people actually make tons of money sending 20 somethings on a soul searching mission. I found blogging a much cheaper and more effective way to vent my annoyance towards life)
The main competition to random was myriad, but these bouts of writing happen pretty occasionally and it would have been wrong to call it so.
The number of people who think leisurely musings is a good title amazes me..(Pach pach :D)
I'm sorry but that sounds so flimsy..
The title Random musings of a wandering mind was taken too, but the last post on that blog is 2 years ago.. And I can't wait any longer to start making public the notes on my phone. Also I'm tired of waiting for a name to suddenly dawn upon me which is as good/better than this one.
So here's hoping he won't feel bad and forgive me and not report abuse and end my blogging journey abruptly. And that my first blog gets my writing some recognition.
P.S. I dunno How many people are gonna be reading so this please do leave a comment (is it bad?? Is it unreadable? Or just plain boring?? Should i stop writing all together?)
P.P.S. There's most probably not going to be another post in the near future / exams exams, always exams :( if there is then please leave a comment on that too advising me to go back to learning..
Who would ever have thought that names could be so difficult, writing thankfully is much easier than getting a unique name. Its like my writers block starts at naming my writing.
What's in a name?? everything apparently. (sulk) From getting one that wasn't already taken, to not too tacky and still me is what took four months.. Until then plain old Facebook notes and notes on my phone were my only respite.
(exams after all are the times I'm at my creative best)
While such a long journey was the most appropriate (given my student life) it was too publicized by a "frustrated student" who probably just thought he would make good use of attending College. (though if he actually wanted to do something helpful, he should have revolted against the number of teachers not knowing english in the university or the evaluation/revaluation procedure).
Never in his lifetime would Rohinton Mistry have thought that his book would be so popular (even more popular than when it was added to the curriculum). But any publicity IS good publicity.
Then came The Observer (everyone I know thinks I think differently) , but google it and you get like hundreds of like minded people who may/may not have the same level of creativity, but not wanting to put so much effort on just a name. Or maybe they got fed up like me..
Then was the good for nothing I write therefore I am. What nonsense... I agree writing comes in a flow that can't be stopped. But don't you live otherwise? I am just mainly a passionate reader who always wanted to write a book after all. (not me at all)
Another option was to name it after a song/movie. Probably waiting for the end to come as a tribute to LP but 2012 is quite near anyway and waiting for just a year doesnt make sense. Or until those who believe bring on another such date..
Or music and lyrics (I love hugh grant and music but this ain't no song download blog).
Then there's also fell down a hole. But I didn't. And falling does hurt..
Also with so many songs/albums/artists I'd like to do a tribute to, it was getting very puzzling as to which one to stick to.
What is it with being unique I don't know. Though I would love to copy a name as a form of flattery to another, there's not many such others worth that. Innovation is the key as per some fy/sy book (don't ask, o.O that just came up from god knows where)
Fantasy on the other hand was something I had to have in my blog.Doesn't Everything around you feel like wonderland? It does for me especially when I realise its already friday wen I've been thinking its wednesday all along. (Its getting closer to my exam...aargh).. :(
This part is a tribute to Lewis Carroll for being the father of fantasy writing, what better way to market other books than to get small kids hooked to magic so that they read and reread Hp and Lotr and such others later on (he got his maths right on that one)
There was also cindrella, I agree. But who searches for anything in cinders or a kitchen (won't find any soul there, probably just ketchup) and it is Alice usually who gets preference over Cindrella (Johnny Depp was in Alice and not in the any kitchen scrubbing floors)
Follow me up too seemed good but what if it turned out to be all fall down?
While Soul searching was inspired by my own quarter life woes. It seems to intensify if ur in my line of education. (to think some people actually make tons of money sending 20 somethings on a soul searching mission. I found blogging a much cheaper and more effective way to vent my annoyance towards life)
The main competition to random was myriad, but these bouts of writing happen pretty occasionally and it would have been wrong to call it so.
The number of people who think leisurely musings is a good title amazes me..(Pach pach :D)
I'm sorry but that sounds so flimsy..
The title Random musings of a wandering mind was taken too, but the last post on that blog is 2 years ago.. And I can't wait any longer to start making public the notes on my phone. Also I'm tired of waiting for a name to suddenly dawn upon me which is as good/better than this one.
So here's hoping he won't feel bad and forgive me and not report abuse and end my blogging journey abruptly. And that my first blog gets my writing some recognition.
P.S. I dunno How many people are gonna be reading so this please do leave a comment (is it bad?? Is it unreadable? Or just plain boring?? Should i stop writing all together?)
P.P.S. There's most probably not going to be another post in the near future / exams exams, always exams :( if there is then please leave a comment on that too advising me to go back to learning..
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